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Home Archive for January 2016

आज फिर कहानी की जिद की थी उसने ।
आज फिर वही सवाल लगे थे रिसने ।
सुला दिया था उसे आज भी डपटकर।
नजरें चुरा, बुझा दी थी बत्ती झटक कर।।
हर शाम मासूम नजरें ढूँढा करती थी जिन्हें,
खुद ही तो वृद्धाश्रम छोड़कर आया था मैं उन्हें ।
किंकर्तव्यमूढ था, पत्नी और माँ में किसे चुनता?
हार गई थी उस दिन माँ की ममता ।

'कल माँ से मिलने जाऊँगा ' कहा था पत्नी से  मैंने।
सहम गया था देख उन्हें निष्ठुरता का जामा पहने ।।
लफ्ज़ों से तो नहीं ,पर बहुत कुछ कह गईं थी वो आँखे।
अवहेलना कर जिनकी, चल पड़ा था पास मैं माँ के।
एक साड़ी निकाल दी थी माँ के लिए श्रीमती जी ने,
मना कर दिया था जिसे लेने से कामवाली ने।
बचपन में  एक पल भी जिसके बिन मन न था रमता,
तैर गईं फिर वही पथराई आँखें जिनमें झलकती थी ममता।

घुसते ही आश्रम में,रुक गई थी नज़र वहाँ,
ममता की वो मूर्त बैठी थी जहाँ ।
नींद से जैसे जागी वह चरणों पर स्पर्श से।
खिल गईं थी बाँछे उसकी , मुझको यूँ देखकर ।।
एक मुस्कान तैर गई थी उसके शुष्क अधरों पर,
आँखें डबडबा गईं मेरी देख ज़ख्म उन कर कमलों पर।
प्यार से हाथ फेर ,पास बैठा लिया था अपने,
लजा गया था चूरकर के यूँ उसके सपने।

जिसकी दुआओं में सिर्फ़ नाम था मेरा,
दवाएँ न जाने कब उन पर पड़ गईं भारी।
चलना सीखा था पकड़कर आँचल जिसका,
कैसे उसे छोड़ आया दूजी नगरी ।
आज भी अपनी गोद में सिर रख लिया था माँ नें ,
माथा सहलाते हुए शायद भूल गई वो ताने।
अनायास ही बोल पड़ा 'माँ!  चलो घर',
अश्रु धाराएँ रही थी आँखों से झर।
एक ठन्ड़ी आह छोड़, शान्त हो गई वह।
विक्षिप्त सा देखता,गया सन्न मैं रह,
वह पथराई आँखें जिनमें अब भी झलक रही थी ममता।

This article is dedicated to Aruna Shanbaug:

I came to Mumbai, the city of dreams, 42 years ago to endeavor my life and achieve my dreams but little did I know was soon, very soon, I will become the national sensation, A rape victim. Believe me, this was not what I wanted.


All I wanted was to cure the uncured, feed the hungry and to hear the twinkling sound of a newborn baby. I wanted to be remembered by my patients in their prayers but little did I know was, the candles will be lit in my name, as a Rape Victim.


I lived for 66 years but spend an era of my life almost dead for 42 years. Yes, almost dead or almost lived, because for me it was the same, in a vegetative state. I knew life was tough and I would too get sick but little did I knew was, I will be bedridden for almost 42 years and won’t even get the chance to get up and walk again.


He raped me in a basement room of the hospital, where i wove my dreams. He shook my soul and my body from head to toe around the walls of the silent room. He strangled me with a dog chain and dragged me to hell, leaving my body almost alive and my soul dead. I knew he won’t spare me any mercy but little did I know was that I won’t be able to fight back.


My would- be-husband cried seeing me lying numb, bedridden. He even kept meeting me for years, as I was his love. I wanted to hug him and tell him how much I needed him. I knew it hurts him a lot to see me like this. I knew he will love me till his death but little did I know was, soon he would move on and get married and I won’t see him any longer.


The people moved, patients and nurses changed, anything remained constant was me, in the same bed. I could see nurses feeding me and providing me endless care but I never wanted to be the one who needed someone to feed her. I knew, I was in critical condition but little did I know was that I would never able to get cure and die in such a bizarre manner.


I heard that monster has been detained and had been jailed for what he did to me. The court did not punish him with death because I was still alive. Alive, really alive, they said. I wish I could tell them what it felt to be alive like that. I knew he would be punished but little did I know was I have been born in a country where justice is rare and unseen.



Today, when I die in the eyes of the world, I feel free from the pain which I endured for 42 years. I will live in the other world, if it exists. I will ask why this happened to me to god, if there is one. I knew I'll be dead one day but little did I know was I will wait for it day and night throughout my life.


Kicking her was fun. I used to kick her a lot. Sometimes out of love, sometimes out of anger and sometimes just to make her happy. I often wonder how she could feel happy even when I am hurting her. She used to caress her stomach lovingly after I kicked. But now, I know her plan. She showered all her love on me, so that she could cleverly kick me out of my home.

I loved my home. Well, who doesn’t? Albeit I didn’t like the pink color, I found tranquility in there. 9 months passed so quickly. How could she do this to me? Once I meet her, I will kick her harder and seek my revenge.

I am getting nostalgic. I vividly remember the days when I used to spend quality time with mom. She used to tell me about herself and other members, what she loves the most and what we would do when I come out of her womb. But, there was someone, who always disturbed us. He used to bring that yucky tasteless cold thing for mom. Mom called it Ice cream. I think he has a bad taste. He always diverted Mom's attention, such an insecure personality. In order to regain Mom’s attention, I used to kick her harder and instead of reverting me back, she would call that  insecure man and say ,“ Listen. Baby is kicking. Come and feel.” And then he used to plead me -“Baby, kick again. This is your dad. Please kick again”. I always used to murmur to myself...”Ohh Really! If you are my dad, why don’t you carry me in your womb?” No matter what, I never kicked when he asked for it.  I used to laugh instead. After few attempts, he would give up with the same sentence, “why baby never kicks when I am here?”

It was too much fun and now they are kicking me out. Every action has a reaction. I never thought, one day I would leave my home like this. I thought she was my adobe but I was so wrong. She never considered me her part. That is why she is pushing me harder. But I won’t give up so easily. I am kicking her harder in return but she no more feels placidness. I think it hurts her or she is now done with me.

Oh no ...someone is pulling me outside. Don’t pu

ll me, please. This is my home. I am fighting back but I am too timid in front of him. My mom is crying out loud. When it is hurting her so much, why shouldn’t she keep me inside her forever?

I am crying out loud but it doesn’t affect anyone. I think I am out now as I hear people giggling and laughing. Yes, they must be happy to see me crying. My eyes are shut, I won’t open them. I don’t want to see this place. I am not getting the same feel as I used to get in my adobe. People are so loud here, inside it was quiet. I want to go back there and feel the warmth of my mother’s womb. Pleasant and safe.

Someone is holding me and I am feeling the same warmth as I felt in my home. I am no more nostalgic now; her hands have the feel of home. I have finally reached where I belonged.  I won’t to open my eyes as I am angry about being kicked out of my home but I feel safe and happy.But, If I won't to open my eyes, then how would I see mom and dad.

I see a beautiful lady who is carrying me in her arms and a man is sitting besides her.They are so happy to see me. I can’t kick her. She is so beautiful; I must say that man doesn’t have a bad taste. She has the same eyes as mine. She wears the skin akin to me. But, she is prettier may be because she has the best smile. I am holding her finger tight and this time, I won’t let her go away from me.


I promise Maa, I will never kick you again.


~~Prerika

"माँ , बहुत भूख लगी है। खाने में क्या है ?"
"राजमा चावल" मैंने मुस्कुराते हुए कहा।

अपने पसंदीदा खाने का नाम सुनते ही शिखर का चेहरा खिल गया । खाना खाने के तुरंत बाद , वो थोड़ा गंभीर होते हुए बोला , "माँ आपसे कुछ बात करनी है।"

उसका चेहरा देखते ही मैं समझ गयी कि वो कुछ ज़रूरी बात करना चाहता है। उसकी आँखों में आज कुछ अलग ही चमक थी। खैर, मैं उसके पास जाकर बैठी और पूछा की क्या बात है ?
मेरा हाथ पकड़ते हुए उसने कहा " माँ , मैं आर्मी में जाना चाहता हूँ। भले ही मैं कितनी भी कोशिश कर लूँ पर इंजीनियरिंग करने को मेरा मन गवाही नहीं देता। "
ऐसा लगा जैसे पाँव तले ज़मीन खिसक गयी हो । जिसका डर था वही हुआ। है तो आखिर वो भी राहुल का ही खून।
"माँ ?? क्या हुआ? " शिखर की आवाज़ से मेरी तंद्रा टूटी।

"कुछ नहीं बेटा । ठीक है। जैसा तुम ठीक समझो। मैं जानती हूँ तुम कुछ भी करो, अच्छा ही करोगे।" सिर्फ इतना ही कह पायी मैं।

शिखर के जाने के बाद मैं वहीँ बैठी रही। ऐसा लग रहा था मानो मेरे शरीर से आत्मा को अलग कर दिया हो। वो जख्म जो कभी  ठीक से भरा ही नहीं, आज फिर से हरा हो गया। मेरे जीवन की त्रासदी ,आज फिर एक बार खुद को दोहराने को तैयार थी। और मैं आज भी उतनी ही बेबस थी।

आज से कुछ पंद्रह साल पहले इसी निर्णय ने मुझसे एक ऐसा इंसान छीन लिया था जिन्हें मैं जान से ज्यादा प्यार करती थी, मेरे पति राहुल। आतंकवादियों से मुठभेड़ के दौरान उन्होंने अपनी जान गँवा दी थी।
आज भी वो पल अक्सर मेरी आँखों के सामने घूम जाता है जब राहुल तिरंगे में लिपटे घर आये थे। जो दुनिया कभी ठीक से बस ही नहीं पायी थी, एक पल में ही बिखर गयी थी। गौरवान्तित थी उनके अदम्य साहस पर, लेकिन पति खोने का ग़म मुझसे बरदाश्त नहीं हो रहा था। क्या पता था कि रिश्तों की डोर इतनी जल्दी टूट जाएगी। उनकी चिता उनके साहस की दास्तान सुना रही थी।वो धधकती आग , उनके अन्दर की देश भक्ति के जूनून को दरशा रही थी।

उस दिन के बाद मेरी ज़िन्दगी में फिर कभी सुबह ने दस्तक नहीं दी।
ना जाने क्यों आज फिर वही एहसास फिर से जाग उठा। शिखर के खातिर मैंने खुद को संभाले रखा पर एक पल नहीं गुज़रा जब मैंने राहुल को याद ना किया हो। राहुल का प्यार ही तो था जो मुझे आज तक शक्ति दे रहा था आगे बढ़ने की। अगर शिखर न होता,तो शायद ना जाने कब मैं अपनी ज़िन्दगी खत्म कर लेती।

शिखर राहुल का प्रतिबिंब ही तो था। हर पल शिखर में राहुल को जिया था मैंने। शिखर के निर्णय पर दुखी नहीं हूँ मैं पर डरती हूँ कहीं इतिहास खुद को दोहरा ना दे। शिखर के बिना जी नहीं पाऊँगी मैं। 

आज नींद मुझसे कोसों दूर थी। करवटें बदलते हुए, मेरे कानों में शिखर के शब्द गूँज रहे थे। उसे अनुमति तो दे दी थी मैंने, पर अब अपने दिल को कैसे समझाऊँ ? बुरे ख्यालों ने मेरे दिमाग को घेर रखा था।
" राहुल, तुम ही बताओ मैं क्या करूँ? तुम क्या करते ?"  मैं बेबस सी राहुल की तस्वीर से बात कर रही थी कि अचानक ऐसा लगा राहुल मुझे आवाज़ दे रहे हैं। उनकी आवाज ने ही तो मुझे आज तक हर असमंजस से निकला है।

"मीरा , घबराओ मत। तुमने आज तक सब अच्छे से किया है । कितनी कुशलता से तुमने हमारे शिखर को पाला है। शायद मैं भी इतना ना कर पाता , जितना तुमने अकेले किया है । तुम बहुत साहसी हो । जिस गरिमा और आत्म विश्वास के साथ तुमने अपनी ज़िन्दगी को जिया है, मुझे तुम पर गर्व है। जिन संस्कारों के साथ तुमने शिखर की परवरिश की है, मुझे गुरूर है उसपर। 

मीरा, जैसे अभी तक तुमने सब कुछ संभाला है, आगे भी उसी धैर्य को बनाये रखो। मुझे शिखर के फैसले पर फ़क्र है।"

मेरे मन का संशय अब दूर हो रहा था। जो डर और अविश्वास का कोहरा मेरी ममता पर पड़ा था, वो अब छंट रहा था। मैं आज फिर गौरवान्तित थी अपने बेटे पर, अपनी परवरिश, अपने दिए संस्कारों पर । आज भले ही मैं एक माँ के तौर पर चैन से ना सो पाऊं पर एक भारतीय होने के नाते मैं चैन से सो सकती हूँ, इस यकीन से सो सकती हूँ की मेरा बेटा , सिर्फ मेरी ही नहीं बल्कि इस देश की हर माँ की रक्षा के लिए मुस्तैद है।

कल सुबह एक नयी ख़ुशी ले कर आएगा ।मैं तैयार हूँ इस सुबह के स्वागत के लिए और शिखर को ये बताने के लिए की मुझे उस पर गर्व है और उसके पापा को भी।


Image Credit: Pixabay.com

दो दिन और एक पूरी रात ऑफिस में बिताने के बाद , आज मैं घर जा रहा था। नींद मुझे अपने आगोश में लेने को तैयार ही बैठी थी । मैं जल्द से जल्द घर पहुँच कर सो जाना चाहता था। घर क्या, वही अपना 2 BHK का फ्लैट , जहाँ मैं अकेले ही ज़िन्दगी की गुज़र बसर कर रहा हूँ। 

खाना बनाने की हालत में नहीं था तो सोचा बाहर से ही कुछ लेता चलूँ पर जब तक ये ख्याल आया तब तक काफ़ी आगे निकल आया था और कोई अच्छी दुकान अब आगे थी नहीं । पीछे जाने का तो सवाल ही नहीं था। पलकें भारी सी हो रही थी की तभी मुझे अचानक घंटो की गूँज सुनाई दी। घर के पास ही शिव जी का एक बड़ा ही प्रसिद्ध मंदिर था। ना जाने कितने ही लोग हर रोज़ वहाँ आते। कोई मीलों चल कर पैदल पहुँचता, तो कोई नंगे पाँव। कोई सैकड़ों परिक्रमाएं करता तो कोई घुटनों के बल दसियों सीढियां चढ़ कर जाता। हालाँकि, मैंने तीन साल पहले ही वहाँ जाना बंद कर दिया था। शिव जी से कुछ लड़ाई चल रही थी मेरी। ना वो मनाने आये , ना मैं उनके पास फ़िर कभी गया। उसी मंदिर के पास एक ठेला लगता था- पाव भाजी का। शायद ही मैंने उसके जैसी पाव भाजी खायी हो। पर जब से मंदिर से रिश्ता टूटा, उससे भी टूट गया। पर कहते हैं ना पेट के आगे किसी की नहीं चलती।

जैसे ही गाड़ी , सड़क किनारे पार्क कर , ठेले तक पंहुचा, तो ठेलेवाले भईया पहचानने की कोशिश करते हुए मुस्करा दिए। मैं वहाँ से जल्दी निकालना चाहता था। यादों की वो पोटली जिसे मैं बरसों अपने अन्दर छुपाये हुए था , बाहर आने को कुलबुला रही थी। मेरा आर्डर आने में अभी थोड़ा वक़्त था तो वहीँ पास की एक बेंच पर बैठ गया।

शायद सो गया था मैं और सपना देख रहा था क्योंकि हकीक़त में ये मुमकिन नहीं था। वो बिलकुल मेरे  सामने खड़ी थी। हल्के गुलाबी रंग के सूट में बेहद ख़ूबसूरत लग रही थी वो। कुछ भी तो नहीं बदला था।वही चेहरा, वही आँखें जो सागर की गहराई लिए हैं। पर ना जाने क्यूँ कुछ अधूरी सी लग रही थी आज।
उसे देखने के बाद तो खुद पर काबू ही नहीं था मेरा। पता ही नहीं चला कब मैं वहाँ से उठ कर उसके सामने पहुँच गया पर उसके सामने पहुँचते ही कदम ठिठक गए।

वो अचानक मुझे सामने देख सहम गयी फिर जैसे नींद से जागी हो , मुझे देख मुस्कुरायी। वक़्त जैसे ठहर सा गया था। ना मैं कुछ बोला, ना उसने कुछ कहा पर जैसे उस पल में हमने सदियों की बातें कर डाली।
हमारी ख़ामोशी पाव भाजी वाले भैया ने तोड़ी। उसे घर छोड़ने की बात कही तो थोड़ी न नुकुर के बाद मान गयी। सिवाए रास्ता बताने के वो चुप ही रही । घर पहुँच कर उसने मुझे चाय के लिए अन्दर बुलाया पर ना जाने क्यूँ उस आवाज़ में अपनत्व नहीं था , सिर्फ औपचारिकता थी।

वो अन्दर चली गयी और मैं वहीं उसे जाते हुए देखता रहा । फिर कुछ डरते हुए गाड़ी से उतरा और धीमे कदमों से घर की ओर चल पड़ा। कुछ अजीब सी ख़ामोशी छायी हुई थी । अन्दर पहुंचा तो ऋतिका की माँ चाय बना रही थी और वो चुप चाप एक कोने में बैठी थी। मैं सामने पड़े सोफे पर बैठा ही था की मेरी नज़र सामने दीवार पर गयी। अंकल आंटी की तस्वीरों पर माला चढ़ी थी। मैं बिल्कुल सन्न रह गया। इशिता पर क्या गुज़री होगी? अंकल में तो उसकी जान बसती थी। इतने बड़े दर्द में , मैंने उसे अकेला छोड़ दिया यह सोच सोच कर मुझे खुद से ग्लानि होने लगी ।

मैं दौड़कर किचन गया और और इशिता को गले लगा लिया। कुछ पल के लिये तो जैसे वो बिल्कुल जम सी गयी पर धीरे धीरे उसकी सिसकियाँ पूरे घर में फैल गयीं। मुझे पकड़कर इशिता बस रोए जा रही थी। ऋतिका दूर से बस अपने माँ पापा के इस मिलन को देख रही थी। ना जाने कब तक हम वहाँ ऐसे ही खड़े रहे। ना सेकंडों की खबर थी ना मिनटों का पता। चाय जलने की गंध पर इशिता ने अचानक हड़बड़ा कर गैस बन्द की ।
तीन साल पहले एक ग़लतफहमी ने मुझे मेरी बीवी के सामने गुनहगार साबित कर दिया था। मेरी हर सफ़ाई , हर दलील को काटते हुए, इशिता के बाउजी ने हमें अलग कर दिया था। तलाक़ ने सिर्फ हमारे रिश्ते को ही नहीं पर मुझे भी झकझोर कर रख दिया था।

तीन साल से हर दिन तड़प कर बिताया था मैंने। और अब यह सब। बड़ी हिम्मत कर मैंने उससे फिर से माफ़ी मांगी और एक नयी शुरुआत का अनुग्रह किया।

ऋतिका , वहां आकर मुझसे लिपट गयी और अपनी माँ से बोली , माँ सब भूल जाते हैं ना प्लीज। अपनी अधूरी कहानी को पूरी कर लेते हैं। शायद मैंने एक मुस्कान देखी उसके होंठों पर।

रिश्तों पर पड़ी धुंध अब साफ़ हो रही थी। बहार मेरी बेरंग ज़िन्दगी में फिर से दस्तक दे रही थी । और मैं पूरे परिवार संग जा रहा था उसी शिव मंदिर में।



Isn’t it love?
“Have you ever been in love?” you must have come across this question umpteenth times. What comes to your mind when you hear this? A picture of your lover or your ex. Don’t you think Love is too vast to be confined to a cliché, Dating. Love is the universe.
“When your mother sacrifices her meal to feed you. Isn’t it love?”
"When your father works overnight to earn extra bucks so, he could fulfill your demand.” Isn’t it love?
“When your brother fights someone just because they were teasing you. Isn’t it love?”
“When your sister lends you her favorite outfit, so you could look best on your first date. Isn’t it love?
“When your best friend cancels her date, just to accompany you. Isn’t it love?”
“When your lover waits the whole night for your call to hear your voice. Isn’t it love?”
“When your husband looks at you while you are sleeping. Isn’t it love?”
“When a mother bears the unbearable pain for 9 months to deliver her child . Isn’t it love?”
“Whenever you go to your grandparents, you listen the same story again and again. Isn’t it love?”
“When you pamper yourself because you made someone smile. Isn’t it love?”
“When you would die in the arms of your loved ones and you would feel blessed. Wouldn’t that be love?”
This is all love. Love is what keeps us going. So, whenever someone asks me- Have I ever been in love?
Yes. I was. I am. I will be. I am glad that I have fallen in love with so many people. I am diving deep inside because the more I go inside, the more beautiful it is.



I want to grow up,
Go to the school,
Make new friends, live a new life
I want to study hard
And be what my parents want.


I want to grow up
Go to the college
make a lot of friends
I want to get drunk, smoke
And inhale weed
Just once in a lifetime,
I want to sow all the seeds.

I want to grow up
go to the pub
Find a lover
I want to hug, kiss and lose my virginity
Just once in a lifetime,
I want to lose some dignity.

I want to grow up
Go to the office
meet new colleagues,
I want salary, increment and reputation
Just once in a lifetime,
I want to bear little bit of frustration.

Now that I am all grown up...

I want to be a child again
go back to the school,
want to meet old friends, live an old life
choose the right stream
want to sense  reality of my dream.

I want to be a child again
Go back to the college
I want to study a bit hard
And have a better report card..


I want to fall in love again
go back to my love
Rewind all the moments
we clubbed, make some memories
then remember all the stories..

I want to be child again
want to pursue my passion
sing a little bit, write a little more
and dance on the floor
Wish to perfect ,my imperfections..
And be the one I always dream of.

Time never comes back, so spend it doing, what you love the most.

Image Courtesy: Pixabay.com 




He is smart, talented, understandable and most importantly, he is honest. What else one can expect from a companion. 


I met him 6 years ago. It was a beautiful morning; sun arrived shining along with its warm golden light over the mountain and like every morning I was out for a walk. He was so cute that it caught everyone’s attention. Every girl walking on the lush turf turned to see him. No wonder I did the same. As I saw him,I slowed down  and sat beside him. His brown eyes shone like a star and his hair had the plush shine like a pashmina. After a while, l got up and resumed my walk. 



Next morning, I found him again at the same place and the air of melancholy surrounded him. As I walked towards him, he changed his position and became attentive as if he wanted to look suave in front of me. I laughed hard . 
After spending almost half an hour with him, I got up and started walking. After a while, I noticed someone was following me and it was him. He kept following me just like a stalker. 



As I stopped to warn him, I saw his moist eyes and my heart melted down. I hugged him tight and I don’t know why, but I found a sense of security in his arms. 



That’s how we met. It’s been 6 years, we live, love and laugh in the same house. Time passes expeditiously when I am with him. We even sleep together; but sometimes, the naughty boy doesn’t even let me sleep. He thinks that he does it out of care and love. But sometimes,his barking at night annoys me a lot. 



But I think this is what a good companion is like- Annoying yet loving.








Dear husband,


When you will read this, may be, I wouldn't be alive. Since 3 years, we have been together and now, all of sudden, I am leaving you alone. I can't even imagine the pain you must be undergoing.  Are you feeling sad? Don't be baby.

I understand how difficult it will get for you to fake a cry in front of the world. But, honey, for you it is like nipping. You are too good in playing dual games.

What! Are you shocked? I can sense your eyes getting wider. Honey, do you really think you can fool your computer engineer wife just by not sharing your mobile and computer password. Is it too much to handle? Let me go straight.

I married you because I was deeply, madly in love with you. I stayed along with your family even after knowing that your family doesn't likes me.  I went against my parents just to be with you. I stayed and forgave you every time you cheated on me. What? You thought I did not know this, honey, I know it all!

Yes, you got it right! I knew about you and Sarika.  Why do you always forget that hacking is as easy for me as cheating is for you? I stayed every time. You know why? Because I loved you damn it. I was a fool who thought that maybe someday you will value me as I do. How wrong I was.

I could have forgiven you for everything you did to me but what you did to my parents is unforgiving. How cleverly you murdered them. So, all the property gets transfer to me. Well, master shot it was! Only if I didn't heard your stupid mom's conversation with Sarika , I would have never known it was you who planned their accident. I wouldn't ask the reason of this betrayal because I know now that it wasn't I for whom you married me but  the wealth I possessed !

Getting money from me is not that easy Mr. Aman. You planned to kill me as well. But alas, I am alive. Your plan of killing me, I knew it all along.

Remember, yesterday you served me a cup of poisonous coffee, I didn't drink it. Ok. Before I update you with the rest of the story, why don't you go upstairs and check your parents room?  
Oops. Are they dead? Checkmate!


May be, it is too much to handle but honey allow me to go on. You love white Skoda's , don't you? That's why you gifted Sarika the same car as mine. Well, I just did a little trick. Remember, when I changed my car interiors and got them exactly like those of Sarika's . I remember how you made fun of me. You thought I was doing it all in envy but well, It was a part of my plan.

I changed the number plates last night. So, technically, all the things you intended to do in my car ,were actually done to hers.  You can imagine what happened next and so, the girl who actually died today is Sarika, taking away with her, your dream of "happily ever after".

Also, my property that you wished to own can never be yours. And baby, there is a big surprise awaiting for you. All the skills that you performed on the coffee and my car, oh sorry on Sarika's car were recorded and handed over to police who, at any time must be coming to fetch you. And one more thing, dont you even think of using this letter as a proof against your parents murder. Because, the ink will evaporate soon , leaving this letter nothing more than a blank paper.

Hope you have a good time in prison.

Yours 

Radhika


Image Credit: Pixabay.com


Selections are the most difficult part in one’s life. For me, selections were always another set of exams, which I had to clear. But, this time it was different, actually very different.

Since morning, my mother was wandering from here and there in order to clean the house as if Prime Minister himself is coming to our home and in case if he will find a speck of dirt, he would sue my parents for violating Swacchh Bharat Abhiyan.

I, in order to impress an unknown person was decked up with so much make up as if I have a fan following outside my room and if I go outside without make up, people would actually know, how ugly I look in reality.

I always fail to understand, why Indian arranged marriages are so fake? Why people get so worried when a girl turns 25? Why people start treating their daughter as a mannequin?

Finally, the Jury (Ladka wala’s) arrived for my selection. Clad in a blue saree, I made my way to them with a fake shy expressions and a tray full of tea (which I actually didn’t even know how to make).

The first person which caught my attention was boy. I examined him from head to toe and noticed he was in normal clothes with no makeup. I wondered why I am the one who has to be decked up and placed like a showcase. When he can be normal, why can’t I?

I addressed everyone with a  namaste and sat down. With bizzare expression, my mom tried telling me to serve tea which I didn’t get. So, her expression finally broke into genteel words- Beta, serve everyone tea. I looked everyone for few minutes and thought- why? aren’t they big enough to serve and feed themselves?

Well, this is what Indian marriage custom demands. So, I did as I was told.

After going through some weird questions, our family suggested us to go upstairs and talk in private. I mean, Really! This is something new which has started in Indian arranged marriages, where parents actually expect a boy and a girl to know each other in 2 minutes conversation. As if we are Maggi that we will be ready for the marriage in 2 minutes.

As suggested, we went upstairs. He kept looking at the ceiling as if he is figuring out who was the architect of my home? And I kept looking at the floor like just in case I will find a treasure hidden beneath those white marbles.

Finally, I broke the silence- “Do you like me?”

My direct question startled him and he took a minute to grasp it. Finally, he replied- Yeah. You are fine.

A wicked smile played on my lips. “Ok.”, I said. Then, out of nowhere, I removed my  4 inches heels and asked again… “Now?”

He looked at me from head to toe with wide open eyes assuring me that he finally realized Burj Khalifa is no more the tallest building in the world.

“Wha…Wha…What’s your height?,” He stammered.

“5.1.” I replied.

“What….”
“…and I am duskier than I look.” I interrupted and completed the sentence.

Without uttering a single word, he left.

For the first time in my life, I was rejected in a selection. Frankly, I didn’t feel bad because when he couldn’t bear the single truth I told him, obviously he was not the one for me. For the first time in my life, I smiled because I was rejected.

Every day in India, so many girls are rejected on the basis of their looks. Not one time, two time but umpteenth times. Who are we to reject a girl? Who are we to judge them?

When for our whole life, we, as a parent, pamper and love our daughter as a princess irrespective of the skin she wears. Then, what happens, when she turns 25+? Why we expect her to put make up, wear high heels in order to impress a flicking family? Why we place her like a showcase in front of others, so they can mend and blend her whenever and whichever shape they want?

So many girls fall in depression due to these rejections. They lose their confidence, charm. They start criticising God for making them this way.


Please, arrange a marriage with a boy who would feel proud because your daughter is walking besides him. Remember, every girl is beautiful in her own way.


Image Credit: Pixabay.com

21st February 1987

Dear Diary,

3.00 A.M.

We again fought over the same issue. Marriage! Why is it such a big deal for him? Why he is so afraid of his parents?

I again asked him to convince his parents about us but he snubbed the conversation by saying - It is not the right time. Really! It has been 6 years and even now, he is waiting for the right time?

Out of anger, I shouted at him and disconnected the call. And you know what? He called me after 2 long hours.
As I received the call, tears rolled down my cheeks symbolizing the solace which I found in his voice. He said “I want to meet you. I want to talk about our future”. My eyes glittered up broadening the smile on my face. I said “Yes”.

Diary, I want to look the best tomorrow. Finally, we will talk about our marriage.  I will wear the same violet dress which he gifted me and will doll up myself with matching bijouterie and footwear.

I think, we will be finally engage.

Lots of Love
Sneha...

21st January 1987

Dear Diary,

At 10.00 A.M.

I am feeling so excited. Hope everything goes good. You know what, I have bought him beautiful flowers and chocolates. Hope he likes them.

We will talk in evening.

Bye...

 8.00 P.M.

Anxiety filled my heart as he entered the restaurant. He was wearing a blue shirt with black jeans. He looked personable. I walked up to him, settling my dress and gave him the gifts I bought. He did not mention Thank you. I gazed at him like a baby and dreamt of a perfect proposal.

But, my dream broke by his words “we should break-up”. Perplexed by his statement I asked him, why? He continued, snubbing my tears “we belong to two different worlds. We belong to two different religions. Society won’t accept us because you are a Hindu and I am Muslim”.

I felt numb. He left leaving me, my love and my gifts behind. Didn’t he know that I am a Hindu when we met 6 years ago? Didn’t he Know, I would die without him? Didn’t he know that I love him like hell?

I waited him to turn back. I waited him to come and wipe my tears. I waited him to say what he said was a prank. I waited for his one last glance. But he did not turn. May be he did not care anymore or maybe he did not have courage to face me. The reason has left me broken- he left me because I was born to a Hindu family.

Now, we are apart forever. It is over.

But, I love him. I love him a lot.

Bye...

Sneha

~~
Tears rolled down to my cheeks as I closed my mom’s diary. I looked at her with respect, love. She wiped my tears and suggested me not to cry on my wedding.

I asked her why she made me read her diary on my wedding day. She kissed my forehead and said because best friend don’t hide anything.

Then, out of the curiosity, I asked her why she agreed for my marriage to Asad when she herself had such a bad experience.

She looked into my eyes and said because “Asad loves you enough to fight the whole world just to have you. Caste is no bar for those in love, all you need is the allegiance to have each other. I know, Asad will keep you happy.”

That day I realized “Caste is an illusion created by society. May be that boy loved my mom but not enough, to fight the whole world just to have her”.


`
`


She was beautiful, too beautiful to let go. I remember vividly her first sight- She walked from entrance gate to college, clad in a white top and blue jeans. Her bronzed skin shone like a star under the hot sun. Her gait was so dignified that it added beauty to her confident demeanor. My eyes kept gazing her beauty and followed her like gluttonous kid. I tried to distract my eyes from her but they were no longer in my control.

I always wondered, what makes her so beautiful? She was cute, smart, intelligent enough to out match any other girl. Like an ardent follower, I followed her everywhere ; college gate  to the classroom, classroom to the cafeteria, cafeteria to home. I kept a track of her activities.  At what time she left for home, at what time she got in, whom she was meeting. You may call me a stalker but I wasn't. I was a lover and a lover never leaves his sweetheart alone in this unforgiving world.

It was so difficult to be just friends with her but my silence always maintained our friendship. At least, she always accompanied me. You know what? She liked me, too but I don’t know what is the problem with beautiful girls these days, they always expect boys to make the first move. So, Egoistic! No but Neha , Neha was not egoistic. Unlike others, she was decent.

I still remember the aroma of cologne she used . She smelled like a rose . I knew all about her. Her favorite color, food, actor, actress, Novel. We spent 3 years as friends. But, I wanted more. I wanted to marry her, defile her and I wanted her to be mine. I even failed voluntarily in last year of college, just to be with her. I couldn’t leave her alone to survive in a college where so many boys were mad for her.

Finally, the college was over and it was the time to tell her about my love. I requested her to come to my home and as expected she said yes.

I wanted everything to be best. The day was finally arrived. I decorated the entire home with the Jaismine and alssym flowers and lit candles to complement her glow. Finally, she walked in a sea green suit which covered her body in a modest manner yet i could sense the perfect curves that lay beneath. I, too, dressed in a black suave suit to meet her charm but miserably failed.

Then, I Finally said the unspoken words. But what i heard was a NO. The sense of melancholy filled my heart. I tried my best to convince her but she was austere. I cried....cried like hell and told her that i would die without her. She stood rigid and said she didn't care even if i die. How could she?

She turned to leave and I picked the vase placed on the table and hammered it on her head. Finally, she was in my arms- a place where she belonged. I tell you, she looked prettier. Blood gushed out of her body making her dress red. Even then, she looked magnificent. I told her once, red suits her. I was so damn right. I kept gazing her and unable to resist myself, kissed her entire face. Finally her lips touched mine. It was the best moment of my life.

Finally, she was mine forever. She is still with me because she is  beautiful,too beautiful to let go.







क्या लिखूँ आज ऐसा,
जो किसी ने ना लिखा हो?

क्या मेरे शब्द,
मेरे जज्बातों को बयां कर पाएंगे?

क्या किसी की आँखे,
इस स्याही में बसी ख़ामोशी को पढ़ पाएंगी?

क्या ये शब्दों से पिरोया हुआ पन्ना,
तालियों में तब्दील हो पायेगा?

क्या होगी इसमें बहस,
ये कहानी काल्पनिक है या हकीकत?

या किताबों के और पन्नो की तरह,
इसे भी अनदेखा कर दिया जायेगा|

क्या लिखूँ आज ऐसा,
जो किसी ने ना लिखा हो?























सारा कसूर मेरा तो नहीं ,कुछ तो तुम्हारी उस अल्ल्हड़ खिलखिलाहट का भी है,जिसने पहली बार मेरा ध्यान तुम्हारी ओर खींचा था। कुछ गुस्ताखी तो उन बेबाक बातों की भी है, जो किसी को भी अपनी ओर आकर्षित कर लें। कुछ गुनेहगार तो तुम्हारी वो ख़ूबसूरत कविताएं भी हैं जो गाहे बगाहे मेरे दिमाग में अपना घर बना ही लेती हैं। कुछ शरारत तो तुम्हारे इन अधरों की भी है जो बिना कुछ बोले ही इतना कुछ कह जाते हैं। सारा दोष मेरा ही नहीं ।

तुम्हें देख कर यह तो दावे से कह सकता हूँ की ऊपर वाले ने तुम्हें " ना कजरे की धार " की तर्ज़ पर बनाया है। बिना किसी श्रृंगार के भी तुम कितनी खूबसूरत लग रही हो। बेशक तुम दुनिया की सबसे ख़ूबसूरत लड़की हो और यह मैं सिर्फ़ इसलिए नहीं कह रहा की तुम्हारा पति हूँ। 

और तुम्हारा पति बनना भी कौन सा आसान था ? कितने पापड़ बेले हैं मैंने तुम्हें पाने के लिए , कुछ पता भी है तुम्हें? सबसे पहले तो तुम्हें ही मनाना, टेढ़ी खीर पकाना था और ऊपर से यह  शर्त की पहले मैं अपने घरवालों से बात करूँ और उनसे आज्ञा लूँ। अब जैसे ये कोई सरल काम था। उन्हें एक बार यह तो समझा भी देता की प्यार जात - पात , रंग - भेद नहीं देखता पर किसी की अपंगता भी नहीं देखता ये थोड़ा जटिल था। थोड़ा नहीं, असल में बहुत मुश्किल।

पर हम भी इश्क की राह में कफ़न बाँध कर चल पड़े थे यह गुनगुनाते हुए की ये इश्क नहीं आसान , बस इतना समझ लो कि एक आग का दरिया है और तैर के जाना है। जब घर पर प्रेम विवाह का ज़िक्र किया , तो अचानक जैसे भूचाल आ उठा। किसने क्या कहा कुछ समझ नहीं आया,  सब एक साथ जो चिल्ला पड़े थे।  फिर सहसा पिताजी, ना जाने क्या सोच कर बोल पड़े - कौन है वो लड़की । बताओ उसके बारे में। ये उम्मीद तो नहीं की हमारी बिरादरी की होगी पर हिन्दू तो है ना ? 

"है तो हिन्दू ही , और बिरादरी भी अपनी है पर" … इससे पहले की मैं अपनी बात ख्त्म कर पाता पिताजी बीच में ही बोल उठे  ,"पर ? पर क्या? लड़की तो है ना ?" उनकी कठोर आवाज़ में डर साफ़ झलक रहा था। माँ ने तो रुद्र क्रंदन भी शुरू कर दिया था कि उनका बेटा एक लड़के से प्यार करता है। मैं कुछ झुंझलाकर बोला "सुन तो लो । लड़की ही है। बस देख नहीं सकती।"

आज तक हमारे घर में किसी की मैय्यत में भी इतना सन्नाटा नहीं हुआ था जितना उस दिन था। नॉएडा वाली बुआ जी तो ना जाने क्या क्या बोल रहीं थी। उनकी बातें तो कबका सुनना छोड़ चुका हूँ। माँ बस रोये जा रही थी ,बीच बीच में बडबडा भी लेती थी " प्यार अँधा होता है यह तो सुना था,अब तो अंधो से भी होने लगा है ।"
खैर उन्हें तो मना लिया और तुम्हे भी पर अब बस । इतनी सहेनशक्ति नहीं है मुझमेँ कि मैं सबको मनाता ही रहूँ । कभी तुम्हें तो कभी घरवालों को तो कभी इश्वर को। सात जन्मों के साथ की बात कर , कुछ दिनों में ही साथ छोड़ देने को तो धोखा ही कहते हैं ना। तो श्रीमती जी आप हमें धोखा ही दे रहीं हैं। तुम हर रोज़ ही तो कहती थी की मेरा साथ पाकर तुम्हें ज़िन्दगी के मायने मिल गये हैं फिर इस झूठ की क्या वजह थी? क्यूँ तुमने एक बात भी न छुपाने का वादा कर, इतनी बड़ी बीमारी मुझसे छुपाई ? क्यूँ अपने दर्द से अकेले लड़ी जबकि हमने तो सब कुछ बांटने का वादा किया था। यूँ चुप ना रहो। कुछ तो बोलो । वो कविता ही सुना दो जो मुझे नहीं पसंद। हाँ , वही  जिसमें वो दोनों मिल कर भी हमेशा के लिए अलग हो जाते हैं। वही ……

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