Archive for December 2015

Home Archive for December 2015

It was 6.00 P.M. I was waiting for my baba to arrive and as usual he was late. The evening seemed splendid and I was enthralled by the awe-inspiring view. Sunlight had begun to ebb but real dusk had not arrived. The air turned mellow, adding colors to sky and made the ceiling of sky turned orange. After sometime, the atmosphere turned dark and cool waves passed through my hairs making them blow along with it. I could see my shadow on the dense turf. I jumped over my shadow to catch it as I used to when I was a kid and later on laugh on doltish me.

Suddenly, something caught my attention and it turned my mouth watery. It was a candy floss vendor. My love for candy flosss has been irreplaceable. Some people just don’t eat it because they are no longer a kid. What a lame excuse it is? Who won’t eat just because they are no longer a kid.

Like a gluttony kid, I ran to the vendor. “Bhaiya. Give me one candy floss (Pink one).” I demanded in a kiddish voice. He laughed hard noticing no sync between my voice and personality. I winked in return.

Meanwhile, I waited and a kid came and stood beside me in silence. He was a cute bald boy, must had been of 6 years. He had big round eyes and wore a torn shirt which hardly covered his body. I sat down on my knees and asked him what he wants. Without uttering a word, he raised his finger towards the flocks’ vendor. I smiled.

“Bhaiya. Give one more”, I told the vendor. He waved his hand in to and fro direction, signaling me that he is left with none. The boy was wise enough to sense his signal-so he left to occupy a corner beside the road and stood with his head down in disappointment

Baba arrived and I got into the car. As the car was about to turn in opposite direction I asked baba to stop it. Without uttering a word, I ran to the little kid.

“This is for you.”I said by offering him the candy floss. His eyes lit up and he grabbed the candy flock in excitement.

I walked to the car. “Didi”,the boy shouted. I turned to him and I saw a huge smile on his face.

I sat in the car. “What happened” Baba asked in tense voice. I said, “Nothing, I just saw a Million Dollar Smile.”

Today, when I look back, I find every thing different. No sound of his laughter tickles in my ear. Nobody says 'I love you' anymore. Nobody pampers me like him. Nobody seems excited as he used to on my birthday. I will turn 26 after 15 minutes but today, my heart doesn't placid anymore because it is my first birthday without him. I miss his face, his laughter, contentment in his eyes, his peck on my cheek, the way he used to lift me, the way we used to damp each other's face with cake. The feeling of isolation fills my heart among so many people. Now, these people are mine..yes...all of sudden...but yah now they are mine...they are my In-laws.

Life is unforeseeable. Last year, on the same day, at the same time, he was around me, dancing, giggling, teasing me, surprising me with my favorite gifts and today he is nowhere. It is my first birthday without him. But, my heart still carves for his call. The first thing I want to hear at 12.00 A.M. is his voice and nothing else.

What if he doesn't call? what if he forgets? what if he doesn't call at midnight? What if....
No..No...I know he will call. I can sense him looking at the wall clock, waiting the hour and minute to meet. I can sense him missing me.

"Trin...Trinn...."

"This must be him. Unknown number..."

"Hello!"

"Happy birthday, Dear"

"Thanks, You never forget..."

"....and I never will",

"Ummmhhhh....I love you."

"Have you cut the cake?"

"No, Not yet..."

"Ok.Then go back. Everybody must be waiting for you. Go and enjoy with your family."

"No. I don't want to. I want to talk to you. You are my family."

"Yah. I know, I am but there is someone more special now. hhhaahha."

"Don't laugh. It is making me angry."

"If it is making you angry, then you must go. Bye"

Beep...beep

He disconnects the call. What should I do now? Sleep or wait for anyone's call?...With whom should I celebrate? No one is here. This empty room haunts me. Will Atul call me? Does he even remember my Birthday?

I think my husband must have got tired and slept as he is out for business purpose. None of my friends called me. What an amazing Birthday?

But I got a call from the one I wanted. I know, no matter how much life keeps everyone busy, there is one person in the world who will stay awake to wish me and he is my dad.

Dad, yes, you are not just family but my whole world.

The first time, she told me about her love. I shrieked, Panicked, at that particular moment. It seemed so wrong, I don’t know Why?, may be every daughter had felt the same. But poignant remembrance of that evening still fills my heart with guilt.

Changes had never been easy for me. I abnegate it in all possible ways, making it harder to accept. It makes me insane, propel me to do all the doltish activities like cry my eyes out, and shriek like a pig. But that evening, I lost control over my senses, without mulling over the situation; I propelled harsh words on my mother.

Evening is so vivid in my eyes; I remember each and every single harsh word uttered from my filthy mouth. We sat on the dwelling swing placed on the lush turf like every other evening. She hugged me around her elegant arms making me safer.

“Beta! How do you find Vijay.” She asked.

“He is a lovely man. I like him.” I replied resting my head on her lap.

“Ummm…He proposed me last evening.”

“What!! What did you say.” I exclaimed.

“Nothing! …I said nothing.”

“Do you love him?” I asked in anticipation.

“Beta! I think he would be a wonderful father...”

“Do you love him?” I asked again with vexation in my eyes.

“Yes!! I do. But not more than you beta.” She assured me, holding my face.

I flung her hands from my face in anger.

“How could you do this ma? Don’t you realize you are 35, widow having a grown-up young daughter?” I yelled

How could you even fall in love and tell me all this. I can’t believe you said that.

How can you even think of another man? Have you ever thought what would society say? I shrieked and ran to my room.

“Beta!! I am sorry.” She followed me. I didn’t mean that, I thought to seek your permission, that’s it!! I won’t marry ever.

I did not listen to her and closed the door on her face. She tapped the door, probably the whole night saying sorry. But I remained an austere daughter.

I did not talk to her for a week. But when I pondered over the situation, I realized how adamant I was. I murmured to myself:

“Don't I need a partner to share my grief with?”

“Just because she is a widow, mother, Didn’t she have a right to be happy?”

“Being a daughter, don’t I have the responsibility to make her happy?”

From over 6 years, my mother suffered, first because of my father’s death and then because of my endless wishes. But she always gave her best and fulfilled it, regardless of the expensive thing I demanded. Irrespective of the price, she tried hard to get me whatever I wanted. Whenever I look at her, I saw an independent, placid contented woman.

I had seen her breaking umpteenth times, tired of being a mom and dad, both. I never bereft the presence of dad.

Didn't she need someone? Practically, one day I will get married too, and would I leave her alone to survive in this cruel society?

“No!! You can’t do this to her” My heart said to me.

Just to impress the fickling society, I cannot snatch away her one and only single wish.“It is my responsibility, and I am gonna fulfill it” I said to myself.

Because my love for her was “Beyond The society.”

~~~

A woman looks pretty on the wedding day but my mom looked the prettiest, maybe she carried the peace along with shy expression on her face. She looked magnificent in the orange embroidered joda as she walked up to the stage and caught attention of every person present in the wedding. I walked beside her, accompanying her on the way to her new life.

From the stage I looked towards the myriad gathered knowing what many of them might be thinking and judging my mother and our family, but I choose to look beyond the society and stared at the newly wedded couple.

- Prerika

I love Christmas. Who doesn’t?

After all it is the festival of Colors, Love, peace and Santa! I always wonder, if he is real or not. If he is, I definitely want him to drop by our home and give Mumma a new saree as she has only two sarees since my birth. Daddy needs his crutches to be replaced as they are beyond repair now and my brother needs a magic wand so he can fulfil all our needs in seconds.

I usually love to go to church at midnight because of the positive vibes the place offer. Yes, I look a little out of place in my shabby outfits but, nevertheless my face glows as radiantly as others. I sit at the last seat of church to attract least attention and get the cake as soon as possible.

Thank god! We don’t have a door at home otherwise somebody would have to wait for me all the time to keep it open.

I read somewhere; Santa only fulfills the wishes, if we write it in a paper and put the chit in a stocking. So, this year, I decided to put my wish in a stocking, the only pair I had. But the idea of Santa visiting our home is so encouraging that I decide to part with my stocking. I write my wish as neatly as I could.

I woke up happy, the next day and suddenly all my excitement died as I saw the stocking still hanging. "Ok! So, this is all fake, Santa doesn’t even exist" This is what came into my mind at that particular time.

At evening, I saw a man in red attire pursuing towards my home with a rag behind. I ran to him and there he was smiling. In his heavy voice, he greeted us “Merry Christmas”.

I kept looking at him like a gluttony kid as if he will use his magic wand and vanish all our miseries. From his rag back, he drew out a gift one by one and gave it to everyone.

Maa got a new saree and daddy new pair of crutches which can be folded.

He then turns towards me and asked me “ What do I want?”

“I want a Magic wand for my Brother.” I replied with innocence.

He laughed hard.

“He already has magic wand and that is you.” He replied with a kiss on my forehead.

It was then I realized Santa exists everywhere and sometimes they come in the form of “Brother.

”A Merry Christmas”

Written by Kanchan.

Edited by Prerika

“Do you believe in God”? I asked in anticipation.

“No” He replied in a firm voice.

“Why not? He is the supreme power”

“What is the point of believing in SUPREME POWER if he is not there when you need him the most?”

“What do you mean?"

And then he began…

The sun rose into clear blue sky over the city, promising a pleasant day. Nothing in the dawn indicated that this day would be different. But the day was different, very different. The day shattered my world.

At 9.00 A.M.

The morning was warm and beautiful, sunlight from cloudless sky made a pleasant contrast in my garden as I gazed through wide-flung door of my room.

Clad in a shirt and lower, I made my way to the living room and sprawled like a brat on the sofa because I had spent a sleepless night doing office work. My wife Mariyam arrived with coffee and sat beside me. She looked different, she looked serene. I could notice an unusual charm on her face. Her cheeks were blushing red and eyes shone like a star.

“I want to tell you something” she said holding my hand.

What is it sweetie? Is everything alright? I asked in a tensed voice.

“You are going to be a father soon” she said winking her left eye.

“What! Are you serious? I exclaimed with joy.

“Yes” She nodded

I lifted her in my arms and kissed her all over the cheeks and then we patiently looked at each other. I don’t know but we shared a connection at that particular moment. The situation in itself was delightful.

At 8.00 P.M

I took her for dinner to Taj Hotel. The place was her favorite as they served the delicious roasted chicken. As we reached the destination, I opened the car gate for her. She wore a black gold embroidered dress and beautiful hangings in her ears, which completed her look.

We made our way to the lobby and then finally reached the dining table. I booked the same table where we went on for our first date. She was impressed with the idea. I kept gazing at her beauty, she looked alluring.

“Soon we will be a complete family” I said with a broad smile.

“Yes! How would I handle two children then?”

“Wow! Are we expecting twins?” I teased her

“No..stupid.. you and the baby. You are no less than a baby” she said biting her lips.

And then we both laughed.

I offered her a dance. She gracefully slid her hand as an acceptance. We romantically danced to the tunes of soft music. The moment was beautiful. I couldn’t ask for more. I grabbed her from behind. Then, I swiftly moved my hand around her stomach which was now home to my baby. I could sense the presence of my baby. It was a bliss moment.

A hefty sound startled me- and then another. I moved out to see what was happening. I remember vividly- the four masked men, dressed in western clothes holding heavy guns had entered the hotel. They were firing randomly in the Lobby-“ Men, Women and Children.”

I hurried inside to Mariyam. The hotel staff came and escorted all the people to a nearby room. Every single face in the room had a mixed expression of horror and hope.

“They will kill us. I don’t want to die, Farhan” Mariyam sobbed with fear.

“We’ll be all right” I assured holding her tightly.

She nodded. We were sitting numb, frightened and irrational. Mariyam was continuously reciting Dua. I could see her lips murmuring something.

Suddenly, we heard a baby crying. Her voice echoed across the walls of the lobby. From the intensity of the cry, we can easily make out she was somewhere near to the room where we were hidden. Her innocent cry startled mariyam.

“She will die. We have to save her” Mariyam said with the tensed voice.

“No! They will kill us if we go out of this room. We can’t do anything.” I replied.

“Would you have said the same if she was our baby” She asked in anticipation.

“No! But…”

“I am going to save her” She hurried outside the room.

“Mariyam! Wait…” I yelled and followed her.

And sudden sound of a bullet was heard and the baby was no longer crying. They did not even spare the innocent baby.

And another bullet came straight and hit my wife right in her stomach, killing my unborn child. Mariyam fell on me restless and whispered her last words “I love you”.

I held her spiritless body in my hand. The blood continuously coming out of her body turned my white shirt into red.

I howled with pain and tapped her cheeks “Mariyam! Mariyam! You cannot do this to me. You are alive. Please get up” I cried my heart out. But she did not respond. She lay silently over my lap, numb and dead.

Another bullet came and hit me on my right hand. I did not move or tried to escape myself from the dreadful situation but instead closed my eyes in tranquility with the hope that I am going to die with my wife.

But guess what! I am still alive, sitting and narrating you my grief stricken story.

“Do you want any other reason for me not believing in him” He asked with his red anguished eyes.
Tears rolled down from my eyes. I remained silent and walked away ……..

Written By Prerika.

She sat silently on a flowery bed, wearing a red and golden lehnga, like a butterfly sitting on a bunch of flowers, unaware of the concept of ‘first night’. Because all she knew was, she is destined to meet a prince charming; her mother never nipped her that “A Devil exists”.

She sat skeptical, folding her elegant arms around her legs, covering her face with a pellucid veil. She looked alluring. Anxiety and happiness filled her at the same time. She fell asleep while waiting for her husband.

A hefty noise of the door woke her up. She kneaded her eye to look at the door. She saw a tall and broad built man coming towards her in inebriation. She instinctively covered her face again, that is what she saw in the movies too. But what she never realized is that life is not about REEL; there is no such thing called “ROMANCE” in real life.

Her husband laid his body over her without wasting a second. He spread her legs apart, forced himself inside her. He grabbed her body but failed to touch her soul. He maimed her from head to toe, tearing her soul into pieces. He not only undressed her but her soul too. Tears fell from her eyes with every frenzied thrust of his body over her.

He lifted his body from hers, leaving deep scars on her soul and grunted to other side, leaving her naked on the other part of the world, a world she had already entered in her dreams and which now lay shattered. She clamped her legs together in pain and crumbled to a side wondering what happened.

She couldn't digest this harsh reality of marriage. She asked herself, “Is marriage all about this” wiping the tears from her cheeks...

Next morning when she woke up, her husband was nowhere to be found. She placed her trembling legs on the floor, she could barely walk. She howled not because of the physical pain but because of the despair in her heart. She felt helpless. She felt fragile. She felt deceived not by her husband but by her parents who taught her not to talk to any stranger, not to fall in love; who made her believe that they will get her ‘a Prince Charming’ and kept her safe from the devil side.

On her first night, she felt as if she was raped by her husband. There was no subsidy for the marks she has had on her heart. And the worst part was, she could not do anything about it.

She knew she had to endure it every day. She asked herself why? And the answer was just two words- her parents.

On her first night she realized “Devil Exist”.

~~~

We become fault-finders when incidences of rape happen in our country. We are mere hypocrites, being judgmental about her cloths, her liberty, and her parents. What we don’t realize is that we were doing the same throughout our life with our own wives behind the veil called Marriage.

Please don’t be a devil raping your wife everyday and validate it by saying “you can do it because you are married to her”. Be her Prince Charming by giving the respect and love she deserves.

Written By Prerika

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