The first time, she told me about her love. I shrieked, Panicked, at that particular moment. It seemed so wrong, I don’t know Why?, may be every daughter had felt the same. But poignant remembrance of that evening still fills my heart with guilt.
Changes had never been easy for me. I abnegate it in all possible ways, making it harder to accept. It makes me insane, propel me to do all the doltish activities like cry my eyes out, and shriek like a pig. But that evening, I lost control over my senses, without mulling over the situation; I propelled harsh words on my mother.
Evening is so vivid in my eyes; I remember each and every single harsh word uttered from my filthy mouth. We sat on the dwelling swing placed on the lush turf like every other evening. She hugged me around her elegant arms making me safer.
“Beta! How do you find Vijay.” She asked.
“He is a lovely man. I like him.” I replied resting my head on her lap.
“Ummm…He proposed me last evening.”
“What!! What did you say.” I exclaimed.
“Nothing! …I said nothing.”
“Do you love him?” I asked in anticipation.
“Beta! I think he would be a wonderful father...”
“Do you love him?” I asked again with vexation in my eyes.
“Yes!! I do. But not more than you beta.” She assured me, holding my face.
I flung her hands from my face in anger.
“How could you do this ma? Don’t you realize you are 35, widow having a grown-up young daughter?” I yelled
From over 6 years, my mother suffered, first because of my father’s death and then because of my endless wishes. But she always gave her best and fulfilled it, regardless of the expensive thing I demanded. Irrespective of the price, she tried hard to get me whatever I wanted. Whenever I look at her, I saw an independent, placid contented woman.
I had seen her breaking umpteenth times, tired of being a mom and dad, both. I never bereft the presence of dad.
Didn't she need someone? Practically, one day I will get married too, and would I leave her alone to survive in this cruel society?
“No!! You can’t do this to her” My heart said to me.
Just to impress the fickling society, I cannot snatch away her one and only single wish.“It is my responsibility, and I am gonna fulfill it” I said to myself.
Because my love for her was “Beyond The society.”
A woman looks pretty on the wedding day but my mom looked the prettiest, maybe she carried the peace along with shy expression on her face. She looked magnificent in the orange embroidered joda as she walked up to the stage and caught attention of every person present in the wedding. I walked beside her, accompanying her on the way to her new life.
From the stage I looked towards the myriad gathered knowing what many of them might be thinking and judging my mother and our family, but I choose to look beyond the society and stared at the newly wedded couple.
Evening is so vivid in my eyes; I remember each and every single harsh word uttered from my filthy mouth. We sat on the dwelling swing placed on the lush turf like every other evening. She hugged me around her elegant arms making me safer.
“He is a lovely man. I like him.” I replied resting my head on her lap.
“Ummm…He proposed me last evening.”
“What!! What did you say.” I exclaimed.
“Nothing! …I said nothing.”
“Do you love him?” I asked in anticipation.
“Beta! I think he would be a wonderful father...”
“Do you love him?” I asked again with vexation in my eyes.
“Yes!! I do. But not more than you beta.” She assured me, holding my face.
I flung her hands from my face in anger.
“How could you do this ma? Don’t you realize you are 35, widow having a grown-up young daughter?” I yelled
How could you even fall in love and tell me all this. I can’t believe you said that.
How can you even think of another man? Have you ever thought what would society say? I shrieked and ran to my room.
“Beta!! I am sorry.” She followed me. I didn’t mean that, I thought to seek your permission, that’s it!! I won’t marry ever.
I did not listen to her and closed the door on her face. She tapped the door, probably the whole night saying sorry. But I remained an austere daughter.
I did not talk to her for a week. But when I pondered over the situation, I realized how adamant I was. I murmured to myself:
“Don't I need a partner to share my grief with?”
“Just because she is a widow, mother, Didn’t she have a right to be happy?”
“Being a daughter, don’t I have the responsibility to make her happy?”
How can you even think of another man? Have you ever thought what would society say? I shrieked and ran to my room.
“Beta!! I am sorry.” She followed me. I didn’t mean that, I thought to seek your permission, that’s it!! I won’t marry ever.
I did not listen to her and closed the door on her face. She tapped the door, probably the whole night saying sorry. But I remained an austere daughter.
I did not talk to her for a week. But when I pondered over the situation, I realized how adamant I was. I murmured to myself:
“Don't I need a partner to share my grief with?”
“Just because she is a widow, mother, Didn’t she have a right to be happy?”
“Being a daughter, don’t I have the responsibility to make her happy?”
From over 6 years, my mother suffered, first because of my father’s death and then because of my endless wishes. But she always gave her best and fulfilled it, regardless of the expensive thing I demanded. Irrespective of the price, she tried hard to get me whatever I wanted. Whenever I look at her, I saw an independent, placid contented woman.
I had seen her breaking umpteenth times, tired of being a mom and dad, both. I never bereft the presence of dad.
Didn't she need someone? Practically, one day I will get married too, and would I leave her alone to survive in this cruel society?
“No!! You can’t do this to her” My heart said to me.
Just to impress the fickling society, I cannot snatch away her one and only single wish.“It is my responsibility, and I am gonna fulfill it” I said to myself.
Because my love for her was “Beyond The society.”
~~~
A woman looks pretty on the wedding day but my mom looked the prettiest, maybe she carried the peace along with shy expression on her face. She looked magnificent in the orange embroidered joda as she walked up to the stage and caught attention of every person present in the wedding. I walked beside her, accompanying her on the way to her new life.
From the stage I looked towards the myriad gathered knowing what many of them might be thinking and judging my mother and our family, but I choose to look beyond the society and stared at the newly wedded couple.
- Prerika
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The Indelible nib- It is not just a blog but a diary of untold stories. We believe everyone of us has a story to tell and it must be put in words. If you have such stories, please mail us at prerikakanchan@gmail.com.
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